Author:
Rose
About 21
years ago, after a very difficult 8 ½ month pregnancy, I gave birth to a
stillborn baby girl. I was devastated and very angry at our Creator. I felt
He turned His back on me so I decided to do the same to Him. I refused to go
to weekly mass; decided I was in control of all that will happen from now on in
my life.
Three
years later I became pregnant again. All was going fine until my fifth month.
Again, as with the first pregnancy, complications arose. I wanted to scream at
the world. I lived in terror of the outcome of this pregnancy. I prayed to
Our Father, something I stopped doing in the last three years, and begged Him
to allow me to have this child. Begged Him not to take this little one away
from me. I bargained with Him, promising I would do right by this one if only
I could keep it. Well, I was blessed with a little boy. I knew in my heart
there was a superior power taking care of my baby so I named him appropriately,
Nathan, meaning a gift from God.
Life was
going fine; I thanked God every day for the gift of my child. I watched him in
awe each step of his life. I allowed him to grow, not holding him back from
experiencing all that life had to offer, both good and bad. He is now 18 years
old and still the focus of my life.
I shall
go back to four years ago.
Although
I thanked Our Creator every day for the gift of my son, I still refused to go
to church. I felt I was getting along fine without Him in my everyday life.
Little did I know He was at the controls, not me. He came to me on two
occasions in my dreams. After the first dream I passed it off as just a dream,
and then the second dream forced me to open my eyes and take notice. I fought
the urge to go back to church but, as I stated before, He was at the controls.
I began little by little returning to Him. I am now practicing my faith and my
life has become so much richer because of it.
I was
still very angry at God for taking my little girl away but I learned to live
with it. One morning I awoke and found the anger gone. I found myself thanking
Him for the blessing He gave me in my son. I also found myself thanking Him
for allowing me to carry His little girl for as long as I had. She was given
to me for a very short time and now, as I look back, I understand why she had
to go home to Him. Her purpose was to give me the gift of helping others and
this I did on many occasions.
Although
the hurt had been healed I still wondered if she was happy and safe. Well one Sunday
morning, which just happened to be Mother’s Day, I received my answer.
You see,
Nathan purchased a Mother’s Day card for me. In his haste he glanced
over the cover and only read the content of the inside. He was halfway out of
his bedroom, card in hand. I saw the card and he couldn’t hide it and
try to say he didn’t have one. When he passed it to me his words were,
“Mom, I picked this out and didn’t look at the cover very
well,” and went on to apologize for the gift of the card he had chosen. You
see, on the cover was From Your Son and “Daughter” on Your Special
Day. The word Daughter is in quotations. It brought a good many tears to my
eyes but they were tears of great joy, peace, love and understanding. God does
answer and He used my beautiful son to be His messenger. Nathan was quite
upset at first but when I explained to him what he had done he again wished me
the most happiest of Mother’s Day. I am truly blessed. Along with many
other things, I have such a great son and have been fortunate enough to form a
bond with my baby girl. I feel I can let her rest now. I now know
(don’t wonder if) she is in the comforting, loving arms of our Father.
I still
have my Mother’s Day card; it is tucked safely in my bible. When
I’m down and feeling low I take the card out and am picked up
immediately.
This is
just one of the great things that have taken place in my life since I started
back on the road to Our Father. I’ve learned we are given challenges,
both good and bad, to help us grow, appreciate life and give us the experience
so we may help others through similar experiences in their lives. With faith
in His loving guidance we can conquer all.
Oh, by
the way, today is my little girls 21st birthday.
“Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.” - Proverbs 31:28
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